An Unsuccessful Artist

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When I thought of the many subjects I could write about for this article, I was most drawn to sharing my art with you all. The more I thought about this decision, the more questions arose for me personally. A fountain of self-reflection inevitably emerged.

I have created things and expressed myself in a variety of forms as long as I can remember. Drawing provided me an outlet while my language skills developed. As I learned to write, my attention shifted to poems and short stories for quite some time. I then discovered my love of dance and movement, which I later channeled into photography and painting. After a short stint in film school, I stumbled upon modeling, and that was my sole source of income for over 4 years.

These interests have all been at the center of my life for some slice of time, fading in and out, blending into one another like moving, wispy clouds that swirl, separate, and float on, only to circle back again through each milestone and age.

Mind: Has this multifaceted-ness inhibited your ability to “succeed” creatively by common standards? Are you a regular Jill of all Trades and Master of None? If you had been intensely focused and driven in just one or two of these areas, would that have amounted to something greater than a momentary piece of recognition?
Me: Possibly, but I know there is no use lingering in thoughts like these. The past is the past, and it only serves to shape and improve our current state.

Mind: What happens to your soul when you sell a piece of your mind or being?
Me: I was thankful to sell any piece at the time, to book any gig, but I presently feel so odd, almost a slight pining sensation, about those images gracing another’s wall or coffee table (or storage room or landfill).

Mind: The stereotype is that struggle, despair, angst, and rock-bottom depression create the most effective art. That can’t always be the case…can it?
Me: These days, I only write poems about nature and travels. I dance when I am energized and ecstatic. I take photographs when I am in awe or feel a strong personal connection. I paint or draw when I have free time and am inspired by dreams, music, or films. How interesting, considering I could be such a melancholy child.

Mind: Where do the lines of hobby, talent, and profession lie? Can one be widely regarded as talented and respected without having financial success? If so, why don’t admirers support the artist in this case? And why the fuck does it matter if you are truly creating for yourself? But then, what is the point of making art if no one in the world experiences it, grasps it, or vibes with it?
Me: Uhhhh….

Mind + Me in harmony: It is a societal expectation that creatives must constantly work on new projects. Otherwise, we shall disappear―from the radar, from ourselves. It seems that being prolific, working ‘til you bleed, or having virtuoso status is key to being noticed in this scene. Even so, those conditions do not guarantee recognition whatsoever, especially while an artist is alive. I am neither prolific nor highly skilled. It is what it is.

After this epic contemplation, I fully realize why I create. It is all about communication-― to convey a snapshot of something authentically me, something uniquely part of my consciousness and experiences. These are things that simply needed to get out of my brain.

Worthiness or talent cannot be measured like the clarity of winning a race. As a perfectionist, I have a difficult time competing and fitting into a world that is this intensely subjective. And you know what? That is totally okay.

Thank you graciously for allowing me to plug my art in a classic internet fashion: narcissistically and hypocritically. But what else should Dwellers of the Southwest exist for, other than revealing honest peeks of humanity from a southwesterner’s perspective?

I sure appreciate you visiting my brand new section of the website! I promise to resume my usual travel journaling and poetry next time.

Until then, check out the Southwest Adventures merch shop. The graphics are sick! https://southwestadventuresstore.com/

–Brittney Cee
Art Instagram: @brittneyceeartistry
Travel Instagram: @brittneyceeadventures
Blog: brittneycee787.wixsite.com/poeticjourney